I’ve had some things to say so far about changes I’ve been trying to make lately.
Putting it all together (the need for radical reorientation, the sense that I’ve got to shake things up and experiment with alternatives) has led to a wide variety of new habits and patterns.
And some of them, frankly, just might be gimmicky.
I’ve already mentioned the habit I’ve developed (in an attempt to cultivate a slow-down mindset) of stopping halfway down the steps to pause and breathe before proceeding. I’ve even wondered if my family has noticed! (“I keep hearing Dad’s steps stop on the steps. What’s up with that? Is he OK?”)
And it’s not just the way I ascend or descend. I’ve tried to move slowly and deliberately in all sorts of moments. The way I walk and turn and reach for something and bend down to pick up something. And then stand back up!
I’ve made it verbal too. I’ve tried repeating expressions and phrases to myself throughout the day that capture attitudes I want to embrace. I repeat the words, “Slow, stay, stop. I’m tall, tight, taut.” As a way of slowing down and standing tall and tightening my core. (Because the physical and the mental/emotional are so intertwined.) Or when I find myself fearing or overreacting to the reactions of other people, I repeat the short phrase, “People are small.” As a way of putting them (and me) in their place.
I’ve even thought about what I might mount on the wall of my office that would be directly in view just over the top of my laptop screen, so that when another one of those emails lands in my inbox, there’s a visual sense that something else, something larger, something more important presides and prevails and puts everything else (including that email) in perspective. Right now it’s my college diploma that’s hanging there. That might work, actually, because my diploma lifts my gaze from the current moment (and current tension) to consider the blessed lifetime I’ve known, in which this current moment (and this person emailing me) are a mere drop in the bucket.
So it’s gimmicks, admittedly, and tricks, and mantras. But you know what? I don’t mind. They’ve worked. They’ve helped. And if muttering three-word expressions to myself and pausing after Stair #7 have the effect of getting my attention, then I say, so be it.
And it’s more than those things. It’s also “normal” habits like walking each morning (as I’ve mentioned before). And going downstairs for breakfast in the kitchen (without my phone in hand) when I know my kids will be there too because I want to be present like that as the day gets going. And exercising more regularly.
A few reflections…
One is, I’ve tried to make changes before, and I’ve made the mistake of trying to change too much, too fast. In my enthusiasm I overcommit, and then I get discouraged, and burn out, and quit. Not this time. PLEASE, not this time. (And I’ll say, I’m guardedly optimistic that it won’t be the case this time.) Even as I’ve wondered about how I can build on this progress, and perhaps add more new habits to the ones I’ve established, I have to tell myself, No, no, no, take your time, don’t overdo it. Give say, two months, or three, to the things you’re already trying. Because it’s already a lot. And it’s already helping. So just run with this for a while and see where it leads.
And happily, I’ve already seen that just sticking with the few changes I’ve made has led to further fruit. For example, one time I told myself, OK, let’s watch something on TV now that you wouldn’t normally watch. And that led me to watch that (scary) documentary about tech and social media, and just watching that documentary has made an impact that’s led to some other good changes.
Another reflection is, I want to be careful (and this too stems from my own past folly) that I don’t parade my new habits in view of family and friends (especially my kids), because there’s always the risk that I’ll regress at least to some degree, and then it looks like “Dad was just going through a phase.” I don’t want to come across as impetuous and impulsive…and then lacking perseverance. I’d rather stick with all this for a while without saying much about it. I’d rather show than tell. Then I’m more likely to stick with it after all. The habits and the fruit they bear will speak for themselves.
It’s a fine line, though, isn’t it? Because there’s something to be said for telling others as a way of going on record and creating accountability. But for now, I think I’m OK saying less and doing more, and seeing where all this leads.